Hi! It's Me, MV!

Whew. Just got a chance to get away from my own personal Guantanamo, uh gulag, uh, place where you’re least likely to want to be. I mean all the shopping I could be doing at home in Switzerland not to mention getting my nails and hair done on a regular basis. Instead it’s bend and stretch and flex and bend and run and swim and jump and…ARRGGGGHHHHH! At least now he’s having some real fun. I left him in the other room cackling maniacally watching the Master’s Golf Tournament. Whatever.

And it’s not like I can have even my kind of secret fun. El Senor has only sent me one e-mail and it wasn’t about El Regalo Grande. All it said was “Ha!” This was right after that felon…ooops I can’t call him that anymore since apparently he’s been cleared of all charges. He might be running the ATP soon so I’d better brush up on my Spanish. Try learning Swiss-German fluently for those of you who think learning a language is easy.

Ahem. As I was saying El Senor sent me this e-mail right after my Captain lost in Miami to the Argentine. I should have sent him one right back after The Boy crashed out soon after to of all people that Djoke person. I think the Boy and my Captain have a healthy rivalry. That Djoke…well let’s just say there are some scores to settle and I think my Captain is ready to take on all comers. I keep getting distracted and I have to apologize to my fans for that. I didn’t send El Senor a response because I don’t want him to think I stay up nights thinking about El Regalo Grande. That’s something a teenager would do not a mature woman like myself in a committed and satisfying relationship.

I’ve been listening to a lot of music lately, particularly “Ring the Alarm” and “Irreplaceable”. Don’t read anything into it. I know some of you haters out there would love to think that things are not good right now between my Captain and me. Bullshit. Yes I said it. Bullshit. We’re fine. I’m free to listen to any music I like. I like Beyonce. She’s a woman who says what she means and means what she says just like me.

I don’t want you to think that all I’ve been doing while locked up here, I mean, staying here with my Captain is dreaming of freedom, I mean, El Regalo, I mean shopping. Damn. I have been watching tennis. I was a player you know. I’m particularly happy to see that the Piranha got her butt taken to the cleaners by The Princess. I like to see a woman like The Princess who is always taking flak from people outside of her circle flip the bird to the haters. And she smiles so sweetly doing it. Now when The Regal One is back in playing shape I’ll really have to pay more attention to women’s tennis. I’d love for my dear friend HFPY to smile again and I think The Piranha and her ArgieB will be frowning a lot over the next year. Oh sure he’s her coach. Did you see her try and dress up for the Laureus Awards? I mean no one ever told her about hair and make up? Oh I forgot. She’s into natural beauty. Imagine waking up to those teeth and eyebrows in the morning. My friend deserves combat pay I tell you. I mean when you say "those lips" it shouldn't be with revulsion in your voice.

My Captain did watch the Davis Cup matches. Ooops. He’s calling me so I have to wrap this up. If they ever give rankings points for it I’m sure we’ll have to reconsider our schedule. It was fun to read about other players getting called out for being unpatriotic while my Captain’s actions are never questioned. He’s just that much above it all.

Okay! Well I really have to go now. No new e-mails…not even a Ha! Not that I was looking for one of course.
A toute a l’heure. That wasn’t Spanish. Gotta brush up on my Spanish.
Ciao. Sorry. Adios. I think that's it. Bye all!