The Week In Review

A bleary-eyed look at the first week of the AO
by Savannah

Note: Please be aware that I've only watched ESPN's coverage of the Australian Open so I've been subjected to the shenanigans of the Talking Head Gang—Mary Carillo, Patrick McEnroe, Mary Jo Fernandez and Gary Fowler. Dick Enberg joined the fray late in the week. His arrival wasn't as heralded as one James Scott Connors but he nonetheless parachuted in.

I think there is something very wrong with Mary Jo commentating on Sharapova's matches. Conflict of interest, anyone?

Mary Jo is reported to have made the following comment during one of Maria's matches:

"There's no doubt she's the most famous face in women's sports," and went on to claim she is better known than Sorenstam, Wie, and the Williamses.

I rest my case. Without a disclaimer this woman should not work Maria's or Fed's matches.

We in the States are stuck with them, though. Funny thing. Mention was made on a thread at TAT about how the BBC commentators once did a thorough analysis of Rafa's grips during a match and how they affect his play. I think it was Enberg and PMac who did the very same thing during Rafa's match last night. Take a bow, Kirkus! Your endeavor is being read and listened to.

Women's World
Kim and Amélie continue their tiptoe through the tulips draws winning without very much fuss or fight. There are those who say cupcake draws set you up to fail in the later rounds because you are not playing your highest level of tennis and then you run into someone who's had to bite and claw her way through the draw and does not care that commentators are bellowing hyperbole over your outfit or your impending marriage. We'll see.

Maria Sharapova, after her studied use of the system to her advantage in her first round match (note to players used to the more rough and tumble world of challengers: if it's hot, and the marquee player is being iced, watered, and massaged you can demand the same treatment. There is no need to thump your chest in 100+ degrees Fahrenheit. Sit down. Have some water. Take a potty break. Look distressed. The system is there. Use it.), has not had to break a sweat as she moves through her part of the draw. Except for the windbags in the broadcast booth, no one is proclaiming her matches must-see TV. They've given her the title of "warrior" but they are overlooking that smiling woman sitting in the corner playing with her dog. Or the one whose fans bring flares to light and throw at their perceived enemies during tennis matches for kicks and giggles.

ATP World
Spewitt – Sorry. Lleyton Hewitt has been kicked to the curb by Fernando Gonzalez of Chile. The American commentators think everyone from Spain or with a Hispanic name comes from the same place and should be a "dirtballer". Gonzalez is a better hard court player than many give him credit for and I for one am not surprised at this outcome.

From what I'm reading Gonzalez played near perfect tennis against Hewitt for two sets. Overall Gonzalez winners to errors was 66-15 for the match.

Hewitt bullied TPTB in Australian tennis to create a playing surface guaranteed to get him to the final where he would vanquish Raja in a stunning five set thriller. I'm old enough to know a pipe dream when I see one. I wonder if it was worth it to Lleyton to lose a coach and friend while marching towards his early exit? I hope so. I'm sure they're lined up to work for you now dude.

People will go into fits of ecstasy over Blake beating Ginepri. Someone on TAT called Ginepri as scintillating as a box of hair. He can play tennis, though. He just wasn't going to win this particular match.

David Nalbandian continues to surprise the American talking heads, and many tennisheads by winning five set matches as if they're just a walk in the park. The man has a nick name on the boards I won't use here but to put it delicately, David gives the impression he hasn't missed too many meals during the exo season or any other time of year. Yet, he made Grosjean look just like what the translation of his name means in English—"Fat/Big John". I was very surprised at Grosjean's collapse in the fifth set. Oh, yes we were allowed to see it here in the States. When you see players who are not American on ESPN you feel like you're watching a bootleg Paris Hilton video. Well, maybe not, but it does feel as if you're watching some kind of illegal download.

The most bizarre event on the men's side was not a match but an interview with Pete Sampras held one day this week. I'm not sure what day this is either. The International Date Line is a cruel bitch. In the interview Pete tried very hard to be a nice guy and show the sportsmanship that Raja wants to enforce on men's tennis. Unless Raja is talking about Novak Djokovic he manages to snark and damn those who would challenge him with faint praise. I get the feeling that he really, really doesn't like Novak but I digress.

Pete managed to call Nadal out on grass of all surfaces implying that no way Rafa should have made the Wimbledon final. Get over it, Pete. He did. Call the boy out on rebound ace or hardcourt, not on your favorite surface. Of course his pronouncements were hailed as coming from the heavens by the American talking heads. To his credit, that was the most controversial Pete got. Sampras off court was as bad as Hewitt but all of that was swept under the rug to make sure Pete's "greatest of all time" title would not be controversial. I'm sure Pete feels the same way about Roger potentially breaking his record as Vilas felt about Rafa breaking his French Open record. The American commentators begged Pete to return to tennis. Pete worked on his fitness the same way Nalbandian does. Taken a look at the top men lately? Well, leave Nalbandian out. He's in a world all his own.

The Shallow End of the Pool
Dinara – get rid of the fun house mirrors in your place. You do not have the body type to wear a belly shirt.

Tamira Paszek – you have breasts. Large breasts. You need to wear a good bra. If you approach the woman in the corner with the little dog she might tell you where to get one that supports the girls so one of them doesn't rear back and knock you unconscious.

I know at 16 it's big fun to bring the men and boys to their knees but no one wants to see you leave the court on a stretcher after being assaulted by part of your anatomy.

Amélie – I love the outfits you've chosen for this event. They're right for tennis and are modeled on the style Venus wears. She's taller so she can wear a skirt with more flare in it but you're hitting the right note here.

Maria – This retro Mod thing with embroidery or whatever is just not cutting it. I think Rudi Gernreich is asking for his cut. Ask Mary Jo when you're over at her place for dinner.

Serena – The two piece outfit works better than the one piece. The skirt on the two piece is cut longer in the back so your hips don't get in the way. Love the hair and the look you've gone for. I hope those earrings are lighter than they look.

The worst offender to me is that multicolored dress some of the women are wearing. It looks like a home economics project.

The men didn't make too many fashion faux pas's this year. Aside from a few cheap thrills—Marat shirtless, Rafa clothed or unclothed, Dancevic getting treatment from the meds during his last match—nothing much to say about them. This isn't a bad thing.